Friends are so important, but as I grow older I feel like it’s become more and more difficult to keep/ gain friends. I know I can’t be the only one that thinks this. As we grow older we tend to move away, become involved in different things, and stay busy with our own lives, so taking the time to keep a friendship is no easy task if you’re like me.
As I write this I think to myself all the ways I have slacked at being a friend. I think to myself “would it kill you to pick up the phone and call ____ today?” as I rush home from work, change into my workout clothes, finish an hour-long workout, rush home to cook dinner, etc. In my head I rationalize I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING EXCITING GOING ON TO TALK ABOUT or I AM A WORKING GIRL WITH A SIDE HUSSLE AND DON’T HAVE TIME for a phone call. How pathetic is that? Everything that’s worth having takes time and it takes effort. Including friendships.
This past year (2018) one of my resolutions to myself was that I was going to work at being a better friend. I was going to say “yes” more often even if I’m tired, and I was going to be better about sending “hey I’m thinking of you, how is life treating you” texts. I think I’ve done better than past years but there’s definitely room for improvement.
I moved to Dallas, TX in July of 2018 and it was the best decision I’ve made in awhile. That being said, it has definitely made friendships harder as most of my friends live in San Antonio & Houston. It was also my idea to move here after living her for a portion of my childhood, and therefore transporting Zach here with me. He was fully committed to making the move and swore he was excited about coming here (he really does love it), but a part of me felt guilty for uprooting him from his closest friends and family in San Antonio. I worried he would regret it and wouldn’t like it as much. Now fast forward almost a year and he is so happy (as am I!) to be in this city and we are working on gaining new friends together. This is so not easy for homebodies like us, but there are some things that we have learned throughout this process that I thought I would share with anyone else that might be experiencing the same thoughts.
Even if your friends aren’t good about communicating with you, it is your duty to be the better communicator.
My friends and I both swear “I’m the worst at communicating!!!” every time we re-connect, but there’s only so many months/ years you can go without communicating regularly until your close friendship becomes a close acquaintance. Even if your friend is lacking in the communication department, be the better communicator and actively set times to meet and/or schedule phone calls with one another. This might actually influence your friend to become better with communication and will relieve some of the burden from you.
It takes 5 seconds to send a “thinking of you” text/ meme.
As silly as it sounds, I frequently send my friends texts like “just saw ____ and thought of that time that we _____. Miss you friend!” to let them know I am thinking of them. It doesn’t have to be a long conversation but it lets them know you are actively thinking of them and that you value your friendship despite maybe not having talked in weeks. Another thing we love to do is tag each other is funny memes. This says “this is hilarious and definitely something that made me think of you!” Memes are so creative and you can just about find a meme for everything now a days. Take the time.
If you live in the same city as your friend, make it a pact to meet for one meal a month at least.
Make it a pact to meet for at least one coffee, one lunch, or one dinner at least once a month. You can make it on the same date each month so that you don’t stray/ cancel or book it way in advance each month to avoid “sorry I can’t meet. I’m too busy” texts. Make it fun and try out a new spot each time, or become regulars at your favorite spot. It’s wise to choose a place at the halfway point so that you’re each making the same amount of effort to meet.
It’s never too late to reconnect with an old friend.
This past year I have reconnected with Katie Blackwell (pictured in this post- check out her Instagram because she’s a blogger too!). She was my very first non-family friend. We attended the same preschool and were inseparable. After preschool my family moved away and we didn’t really keep in touch until recently we found each other on social media and realized we were both bloggers and reconnected! We now have dinner frequently and do blog-stuff together. I am so thankful for our friendship and this just goes to show it is NEVER too late to reconnect with an old friend. All it takes is one text/ DM.
If you’re looking for new friends, get active.
This ones pretty obvious, because you can’t really find friends unless you’re out and about. I encourage you to get involved in something you are passionate about (animal shelter, bible study, small groups, etc.) These are great ways to meet other people that interested in the same things you are, hence a friendship could bloom easily. If you aren’t interested in joining outside groups, be better about actively getting involved in things you are ALREADY involved in. This can be your job, church, your children’s school, etc. Start saying “yes” when people ask you if you want to stay late at work and then attend a happy hour. Say yes to sitting next to the new couple at church. Say yes to going to PTA parties and planning events. Spending any amount of time with others will help to grow friendships.
If you’re looking to gain a new friend, be more approachable.
In the past I have met people and grown friendships with them and then later down the road they have said “at first I thought you were intimidating” or “you always seem so busy so I never tried.” Which is so sad to me because I try to be almost overly nice to everyone I meet if given the chance! Be more approachable and make the first move if you think someone might be worth the friendship. Smile more, say hello, ask about other’s days, etc. And if you are someone that has thought those thoughts about someone, I urge you to give them a shot because they might actually be the best friend you never knew you needed.
If you’re looking to gain a friend, make time to hangout with friends of your friends. Over time I have grown to be friends with my friend’s friends (confusing, right? Haha).
If your best friend has another best friend besides you, make the effort to get to know their friend. Odds are you will probably really enjoy their friend and will in turn become friends with them as well. Plus, if you all become friends it will make it less difficult on your best friend when it comes to who they want to hangout with… both of you!
xox- Lauryn